Name change, Life Change

And one day, it hits you.

Sitting in an uncomfortable chair in a waiting room with no air the back of my legs started to go numb as I fiddled with my blackberry pretending to be reading whatever I pulled up on the screen. The words were meaningless and were not clear but all I knew is my husband was having a routine, minor procedure done. He would be fine; they are just making sure nothing serious was wrong with him and my gut is telling me everything is ok.

But still, this was different.

For about ten years the man that was currently under anesthesia
was my boyfriend, then fiancé, and now – my husband. I sat there,not his girlfriend, not his fiancé, his wife. I have his name now. This was different.

I always said it would not be, since hey – we lived together, we have been practically married since 14. We never broke up like other couples, we never took breaks, and we were always together. So how was a piece of paper and some beautiful rings going to make it different?  

It is unexplainable really, this feeling. This weight that is sitting on top of me in the waiting room as I am uncertain of what is going on with my husband is undeniably different than any other anxious feeling I have ever felt before.

Reflecting I know my life has changed. Five years since Kings Park High School I relocated, graduated from college, became a wife, started a business, everything that I knew would happen and maybe some more. Obviously new feelings would arise, new places and faces but this – this I do not know if I was ready for.

Soon enough the doctor calls me in as his wife. I realize my college hoodie and jeans for the first time and laugh at myself. I am someone’s wife dressed like this at a doctor’s office. Oh well, it could be worse. I walk into the little room where he is waking up. Delusional he makes me laugh recounting his very vivid dream that he still thinks is true. He also asks the doctor if he can have some anesthesia to bring home because it was a ‘really good sleep’ that he just experienced. I laugh as I hold his hand tighter than I ever have before as the Doctor gently tells me that everything is clear, nothing to worry about, what foods to avoid, and to have a good day.

We leave as I only laugh at him a little bit more since his dream was that good and we go home to relax.

While I did not belive it when everyone told me, marriage is more than just a name change.