Exiting Pleasantville, Entering Real World

Five o’clock in the morning. Alarm sound number 5, the worst one. Up (barely). Tooth brush, Hair brush. Deodorant. Clothes. Let the dog out. Bag. Let the dog in. Keys. Kiss goodbye. Lock door. Unlock door. Ignition. Volume Up. Drive. 

Soon enough the robotic haze of morning wears off and I find myself at the Kings Park train station. Even though that was a drive for me, I was feeling nostalgic and needed to visit. I hopped on the 7:14, got into Penn early since I was lucky enough to catch an express. After that I swiped my metro card to take the A train to 14th where I would transfer to the L and take it to 1st.

I settle onto the L train, bags, water bottle and self all intact even in the heat. It is there that it dawns on me. Today is Tuesday. Getting up at five in the morning was the normality, but the fact that there I was sitting on the subway in New York City was the abnormality. Tuesdays and Thursdays for the past year and a half have strictly been designated for classes. Last Tuesday, I left that behind. Not for summer break, forever.

I graduated from college. 

There I was, another 22 year old wanderer on a New York City subway. You could ask me where I was going, but that is a completely open ended question. What I can do is answer you with where I came from. 

In 2007 I took a similar walk, only in a white cap and gown and in a high school gym with less maintained hair. Passing the Math B regents was like receiving a medal of honor, and I did it. When that walk was made, this feeling that I had on the subway train was not there. No, instead excitement and anxiety about college was there, but I was on the ‘right path’ so I would land on my feet. I got yet another new retail job, and I fastened the belt on my ‘big girl’ pants and got ready for a new journey. 

Then in 2008 I moved out of Kings Park (yes I know, being a fourth generation that is a SIN) to a town that has fast food and restaurants. My "Pleasantville" of a life as a Kings Park teenager is forever busted. Here I was, high school under my belt, an apartment with barely any windows and a packed schedule. I was doing well for myself, starting out, spreading my wings, learning new things! It was a very Doctor Seuss time in my life. Then reality struck. 

The sales goals in our store were rocked with ‘recession.’ Stories of foreclosures and layoffs were everywhere. Here I was, nineteen and starting out in the black hole that was supposed to be my future. I was terrified because failure for me was not an option. I will finish my education, I will get out of retail, I refuse to let myself falter. I had this mantra, but I was also stuck in the moment which was September 2008.

Months went by, men started buying underwear so apparently everything was going to be alright. But my foundation was forever rocked. September 2008 was the sledgehammer that struck the sidewalk I was walking, and the crack that formed under the impact was bound to catch up with me. Even though I quickened my pace, my red pointy toed high heeled shoe got stuck.

I had two options: 1) Stay stuck in that crack, let my toes go numb, but keep my looks intact or 2) take my feet out of my ruby slippers and find a different way to go forward. My heart broke as I filled out the drop form and penned my signature on the dotted line. 

No longer was I on the path to become a teacher.    

Still with my major in English under my arm, I left those shoes that I was meant to wear in the sidewalk. Life is long, and unpredictable, and for me it was time to do the unstuck. 

My tassel was moved to the right. The degree is in its envelope. My big girl ensemble has grown into a young woman ‘get up’ that I am shakily trying to ‘make work.’ 

The L stopped at 1st, I looked up and filed out accordingly. The staircase glowed as I ascended to the upper level. The sun was hot but felt good. It was Tuesday and I was walking in the sunshine on the sidewalk of New York City. What I was doing that day was insignificant to my story, but the fact that it was being done is. Normally I was be buried under a pile of papers to do and books to read. Here I was, sitting on a bench, reading a book of my choice, just because. 

It can be interesting the way things turn around in a short amount of time. So, let’s see where this takes me.